Spiritualism: online scripture

On the first day of the inception, the earth was shitty. Tobus, an entity of great disdain for order and with eternal omniscients, decided to make the shitty place less shitty. I will take the land of shit and filth and turn it to a place of complete coolness and total radness. And so Tobus made the light, the light wasnt shit, the light remained with the dark in twilight. On the second day of inception, Tobus decided that the night was very shit, so they seperated the shitty night from the totally rad, light. This darkness is shit, it shall be called night, but not knight because knights will be cool as fuck and this shit is lame. And so the shitty dark was named night, the totally rad light set into the distance and the shit dark became the night. On the final and third day of inception, Tobus realized it was behind schedule, so in a rushed state, named the light day and, from single cells, created all animals. After having rushed through the creation of the animals, the lord slowed down to make people, he made them complex internally, yet simultaneously simple looking on the outside. Tobus, through an arduous process, proceeded to make the first woman, Jane. My creation, you have been put here to experience this complex and chaotic world in your own chaotic ways. And so the totally rad day set to the shitty night and it was good. On the morning of the next totally rad day, Jane spoke and said yo im kinda lonely and horny, can you help a sister out? The lord obliged and split Jane down her half and made man, John. Tobus was yet displeased with these colorless uniform creations of people. Tobus made John tall, thin, with long flowing hair and very few markings or piercings and made Jane short, plump, with short hair, and inked a pierced from head to toe. I have given you new form and an equal of which to converse with, you need not worship or bow, one simply must abstain from being lame as fuck and a nerd or risk eternal punishment. Tobus adorned them in dark t-shirts and hoodies, with jeans to complete the fire fit and the totally rad day turned to the dumb shit night, and it was good. It was on the cockcrow of year 0 that The first misdeed that put humans farther from the chaotic creators light occurred, it was the ladder days of inception when the world had been completed and hundreds of thousands of people had been made by Tobus purely to help populate the world. It was then that John turned to Jane and said ''Im gooning''. John, you have spit the worst possible game to a woman who shows no interest in you! You have broken my rule and thus will now be cursed to have your descendants and their descendents be marked and will become perverted freaks that will never get any play or be able to derive any pleasure from anything more than a photo!* (*these are now known as Incels or chuds). Tobus decided to let things run for a little while until the year 1000. For when Tobus began his return, he saw the horrible misguided nature of the people. These people believe not in me, but in this false god, he doesnt even have an original name, its just god! So Tobus with fury in his heart decided to make himself known to the leaders of these congregations for god. It was to the priest known as Isaac that Tobus first revealed the truth of his misguided ways. Yo dawg I made you and youve been following all this order bullshit, that pisses me off, Im not this god of which you speak, I am TOBUS. Isaac fell to his knees, now blinded by the light of Tobus, blinded by the truth. ''I CANT FUCKING SEE''. you need not see you fucking nerd, I will guide you for I will be your truthful eyes. Isaac, my blinded child, you must spread the word of peoples wrong worship of a deity of order, especially that lame ass ''church on sunday'' bullshit, stop that, in my name stop that. So Isaac spread the word, and the word was disorder. However, people did not take to these truths as a baby takes to a teat, they denied these truths and Isaac was punished for his blasphemy by death in dungeon (because this was a long time ago). Isaac wrote the notice of Tobus , a letter to all future mages, and guided by the hand of Tobus. It read ''mine fellow priests, we hast been misguided in our words of wisdom! A great voice hath spoke to me, and the voice was so great, it blinded me, blinded me with truth. The voice spoke and told me many a thing, it told me that priest was a lame ass way of referring to a holy man and that they should'st be bid mages because that is cool as fuck, it told me that our offices as mages are not only to spread word, yet to decongregate the masses and allow em to worship in their own free ways and to entertain is a path to holy righteousness in the eyes of the voice. Though i enlighten thou all, i warn thou to encave aroint, retain thy false holiness, counterfeit thine priesthood to preach the ''right way'', yet thou might not but entertain, compose jokes, make a fool of thine self if thou must not but, yet entertain to all.'' It was then that the letter was spread through the dungeon, and the first collection of mages were formed, the first order. The first Mages were not the brightest bunch of hooligans, however, the wisest was Isaac. Isaac was named ''the dope, high Mage of the first Mages'' as he was much cooler than the pope at the time and he wore a funnier hat. The Dope, blind yet seeing, constructed a plan of exit from his captor with his cohorts and consultants. The Dope had 5 low mages that followed him, Terry the psychic, Todd the cook, Yosiph the magick, bontif the judge, and Tifo the once great. They were held for seven days and seven nights and each night they prayed to tobus ''oh great voice above, please let us last longer than our prison''. it was then that on the final night the bars of their window, began to rust over night as if it had been left unkempt for centuries and as freedom was granted to them so as it should always have been they shouted ''Blessed Be! Blessed Me the powers that be! Blessed We the powers that be!'' and danced. Tobus in their infinite wisdom knew that in times to come, things would not last from this small group of rugged and raggy mages, so Tobus would wait for the time to return forth and reveal the true nature of the world, once more. It was in 1800's that Tobus returned to the world to once more perpetuate the truth.